The Faerie Queene

Interview of the Faerie Queene
Interview conducted by a very nervous Bartholemues Bronte. It should be noted that following the advice, recipes, or “how to” instructions of fictional characters is not recommended and could lead to disastrous, unintended results. Proceed with all appropriate caution, buffoonery and balderdash follow.

Bartholemues: Well, this is awkward. It is apparent in the book that our characters don’t entirely mesh. But that was just for the purposes of the story…wasn’t it?

Faerie Queene: Is there some reason I should harbor ill will towards you Bartholemues? You hold the Faerie Court in high esteem, I am certain. You’ve never made any disparaging remarks or shown anything but respect towards my subjects and myself?

Bartholemues: Uh…hmm. Your ability to tell the truth from a lie is legendary. So let’s just stay focused on the matter at hand…I am here to interview you.

Faerie Queene: Is that why I brought you here? Are you certain?

Bartholemues: As fascinating as your mystical powers are, during our time together, something else really impressed me. You are a very astute business person. Can you tell us a little about your financial empire?

Faerie Queene: We may have had a few successful financial endeavors in our dealings with mortals. I would say empire may be too strong of a word. Operating the Faerie Court is expensive, most of our profits go towards supporting the wayward habits of the frivolous Prima Donna Faerie Princes. Now if you want to talk about empire, you should probably ask these questions of McBain. The Wulvers are quite industrious, I would call them ruthless businessmen accept for the fact that nearly all  of the werewolf’s profits go to charitable organizations. Our financial efforts tend to focus on human vanities, gambling, drinking, the stock market. These are things the Faerie Court has more experience with and where our unique skill sets give us more of a, shall we say edge?

Bartholemues: We’ve been asking everyone to tell us a story. Could you illustrate your point with an example?

Faerie Queene: As I stated, the Fae tend to enjoy their pranks on the inveterate gamblers, the vain, the incorrigible, the lazy, the greedy. Of course the cesspool on  Ingram street where the Scottish Stock Exchange opened it’s doors for business is a breeding ground for just the type of personalities the Fae are drawn to. The Faerie Prince’s are drawn to it like moths to a beacon. As you well know, the Faerie Prince is a wastrel and a scoundrel, consistently making wagers on stocks. We primarily limit his access to our accounts, follow his hunches closely and then take a position exactly opposite of his.

Bartholemues: I’m sorry, if I understood you correctly you don’t hire financial advisers?

Faerie Queene: Well, there is really no need. We have found that the Faerie Prince is entirely off the mark 94% of the time. We simply keep track of what he thinks will happen and we do the exact opposite, I believe the technical term is contrarian investing. It really is uncanny how foolish the Prince is with money.


The Faerie Queene’s story